Uncertainties?Why me?Why now?

For the past few days, there has been so many uncertainties occurred in my life. some are settled, some are not. but i don't know why god wants me to see something that broke my heart into pieces, something that i never expect it to happen, something that seems like stabbing myself with a knife right into my heart, something that made me so so sad...

Oh my, what will happen for the next few days?

The day of emptiness

The day of emptiness started with a bad day. this morning, the security at the train station slept and didn't realise it was time to open the gate for customer at lrt station. it was 6am. but lucky of me, manage to catch a bus once reach pasar seni. didn't do much at work, came home, waited 1 hour for bus to go swimming, got frust, changed plan to jogging....then dinner, thought of trying new stall, but the cook was idiot. he used back yesterday's rice and cook fried rice for me, the rice was so hard.

It was my mistake all along...i'm sorry...

Since the very beginning, i was wrong. i shouldn't be that way. i didn't realise. i was too naive. i thought i was right, but i was not.

in a good and everlasting relationship, one should learn to trust each other. there shouldn't be any doubt on another party. for me, i trust u. i have no doubt in u. i believe that u will never cheat me. but my move to check on u, was a real mistake. i was too controlling on u, and i always wanted it my way.

i had been so kampung minded. i thought by giving u everything will make u happy. but i didn't realise that it is not everything that u want. it is freedom, own time that u needed all along. i was too stubborn and stupid to sense it earlier that i was wrong. i know surely u r suffering as to being tied up for such a long time.

i don't blame u for any of ur decision made. i am willing to change for u, but if u think that i am not worth a person to stay on with, i won't blame u. it was my fault, at the very beginning.

i will be very glad if u r able to give me another chance. i am regretted over what i've done, for so many years, without realising. i felt i am a fool. a fool, clown that has no agenda, but only brings trouble to other people around me.

please forgive me for my foolish attitude, stupid and stubborn character. i know it might be too late to realise my mistake, and u may not even want to give me another chance, but all i want to do is to seek forgiveness from u. i am sorry and i really mean it...

Should I consider myself as lucky? or unlucky?

I was driving the company car back to office after attending a course in HQ. Seeing the fuel meter remaining only 1 bar, I decided to head to Shell kiosk at Damansara. I pump diesel until the tank was full. Then I start the engine. Oh my god, it wouldn't start. I was so scared, checking back whether I pumped petrol or diesel. Imagine what will happen if you've pumped petrol into a diesel vehicle, and it is a company car! But thank God I pump diesel. But still it wouldn't start eventhough I've tried many times.
So i called for backup. I asked for help from the pump attendant to push the vehicle to the side so as not to block the pump unit. 1 hour later, the mechanic came, and identified the problem. It was due to the immobilizer malfunction. According to him, usually an old Ford Ranger will have this kind of problem, especially when the engine gets heated up. The circuit will have some problem that triggers the device to be malfunction eventhough the key inserted was the original key!
He couldn't help much, So he called for a tow truck. Waited another 1 hour for the tow truck to come.
Basically I spent whole morning in HQ and whole afternoon waiting for the mechanic and tow truck to come. So you tell me, am I lucky or unlucky?

Moody...why is this happenning to me? Did I do anything wrong?

Since yesterday, I don't really have mood to eat. Well, obviously it was due to certain reasons that made me very sad. I had roti canai for breakfast for yesterday, non for lunch and another roti canai for dinner. Today, it was better as i had fried mee for breakfast, non for lunch and only milo for dinner....